Wake me up.

I used to be the girl with vines for veins and flowers in her hair. "You're so down to earth" they would say. And  I never really understood what it meant. But I would smile anyways, and my eyes would sparkle because that's who I was. I used to be head bands and anklets and I would play the ukulele. I was thin, because I ate natural foods, and I didn't feel the need to wear make-up. There was an innocent beauty to the perk of my nose, and a laugh with every curl of my hair. I was in love with the sky and the clouds and a boy with pretty eyes. I was happy, and hyper, and loud. Confident. I was talentless, but content. I tried to play the cello, and the piano, and the guitar, and I didn't care that it was something nobody else noticed.
I used to ride horses, and hike. I would swim in the river and lay in the park and jump into the swimming pool in full clothing. I used to fall in love with every blade of grass my bare feet touched. I used to go out of my way to pet a stray dog, and to laugh with the tree's. My anxiety was non-existent and the world seemed full of promise. Every star in the sky got my attention, and every grain of sand earned my curiosity. I used to not care that my home was hell. It didn't matter to me, and long as there was a telephone wire leading me somewhere I'd never been. I used to look at pictures of California and cry and it's beauty. I used to always want to be out in the world, playing music and laughing with a friend. I loved simplicity.

I am who I used to be.

Lately, however, I have been stressed. Full of hate towards everything, including myself and my family. I have been apathetic and far away from what matter most. I've gained weight because I sit inside the house all of the time, and I find myself cursing whoever my higher being is.

Who I am hates who I've been.

Ghosts That We Knew.

Not sure why I still post on here.

But I see Sam this month. I'm so excited that I just want to laugh and cry. Maybe things are different with me, but I think our friendship will be the same. Months and months ago he said "I don't think this is the end. Our story just hasn't been written yet."
Sometimes, stupidly, I hope this to be true. With all my heart actually. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I'm with Matt now for a reason, and that makes me happy.

At least pretend to smile.

Samuel.

I got a letter today I the mail. It wasn't anything special. 
Just said "I miss you" 
But it was from my very best friend. 
It was from That Paradiddlediddle kid. 
He's the one that cries when we watch Hot Rod. 
He's the one that hugged me goodbye every night, 
and texted me good morning every day. 
He's the one who I understood. 
He's the one who cared when I went to hospital 
before he even knew me. 
He's the one who tickled me, 
and annoyed the hell out of me. 
He's the one that woke me up at 6am to go jogging with him. 
He's the one that said "you can lay next to me.. If you want" 
and he's the one that said "I can't think of a life without you anymore." 
He is honesty. 
He smells like happiness on a snowy day. 
He's the one who, despite my complaining, ranting, and venting, 
stayed up until the early hours of the morning to listen to me. 
He's the one who danced with me. 
He's the one who I would lay on the beach with, 
and sing Blue October with. 
He's the one that knew me. 
He's the one that would laugh with me. 
He wrestled with me. 
He's the one I shared popcorn with. 
He's the one who brought me coffee during my finals 
to help me stay awake. 
He's the one who would look into my eyes, 
and read my mind. 
He's the one I would get in food fights with. 
He never says a hurtful thing. 
He's the one who would sleep over, 
and watch That 70's show all night with me. 
He was the reason I started to smile again. 
He is my confidence.
He's the one who would play video games with me. 
He ate ice cream with me, 
and he laughed at all my unicorn jokes. 
He's shy, and cute 
(Actually, no. He's adorable). 
He's the one that just looked at me when I cried and said "hey, it'll all be okay." 
He's the one that tried to learn piano for me. 
He's the one that believed in me, 
and didn't  mock my stupid fears and freak outs. 
He's the one that made me start to realize 
I can be more than I ever imagined. 
He's the first thing on my mind in the morning. 
He is poetry. 
He is inspiration. 
He's the one who ever so gently held my fingers in his. 
He's the one that said "Phee, don't be so self conscious all the time. 
It isn't worth it."
He's my sexy saxophone player.
He's the person who would pretend to rap with me. 
He would run ahead while I walked the dog, 
and so the dog would pull me. 
He's the one that would say sorry for it two seconds later. 
He is more passionate about  music than anyone I've ever met. 
He is open minded. 
He's the one that would sit on a bus with me for two hours
just to get Krispy Kreme donuts. 
He's my best friend.

He was sleepy. 

I promise I'm drinking Diet Coke hahah

The Walk Off The Earth concert. <3

This House Is Falling Apart

Just get back up when life knocks you down
                                                                  d o w n
                                                                             d
                                                                                 o
                                                                                     w
                                                                                         n

I like how British people say stupid.
"Shtuped"

Mike texted me yesterday. He simply said, "Phee, I miss you". I miss him, too. A girl can't simply live without her best friend. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says that guys and girls can't be best friends. Well guess what, suckers? They can. And I miss him very much. It's been too long (three months) since we've walked at night, ate noodles and tortilla chips, and played guitar and sang. Dang. Hahah, I'm being a baby. I'll see him this summer! <3

So Sam came over yesterday and Saturday.
:) :) :)