I'm coming to Utah on Tuesday

I'm super nervous, and I have lost the ability to communicate with friends. So I'll just piss everyone off and get made fun of. Oh wait.
That's just like old times.
Actually, I'm quite excited. I know it won't be the same as when I lived there. It will be different. I don't know if it will be good different, or bad different. But it will be different. I'm thinking that maybe people won't want to see me. The thought that "I've been gone for four months; I should just stay here" keeps popping into my head. It's probably just the butterflies in my belly talking to the racking in my head. I'm nervous. I haven't seen my friends in four months. What do I say? How do I act? Do I hug people, or is that asking too much of everyone?
This shouldn't be a big deal.
Hah. It isn't a big deal but I can't stop making it out to be one. I'm afraid.
Happy
Sad
Excited
Everything.
When I left there was a lot of bad blood.. Will it still be that way?

Maybe I should just stay home and not get out of bed.

That seems like a good plan right?

Ugh. I feel like I'm giving a talk in church. That feeling where

you just really want to not do it,

but you know it will be a good talk.

Or somthing along those lines.

blahhh.

"Man, she's ugly"
And I just know they're talking about me.
They say it as I enter the room, the only girl present.
They laugh as if they've made a really funny joke, and I just take my seat, trying to hide my face.
"Ew, look at the girl. Ugly, man."
This time, it's as I'm walking across the crosswalk. Them going one way, me going the other.
I turn around from entering McDonalds, feeling fat and gross, and skipping dinner that night.
I'm with a group of friends at a dance. I'm the only one not asked to dance.


Not even once.

It's a new dawn, a new day.

Aside from being rushed to the hospital on Wednesday, this has been a very great week. Like I said in an earlier post, I went to Chronical (it was AMAZING).
On Sunday I went to the beach and some guy tried to pick me up... Let's just say it was awkward, and his 'girl pick-up' skills absolutly suck. And he needed to brush his teeth D:
But yesterday I went to the beach with Hannah. We went boarding, and then explored for like ever. We found the most pretty beach in the world. It was next to these big beautiful cliffs. There were a bunch of surfers and it was grand. So beautiful!

Reflection and Shadow.
Gotta love Low tide.

I look like a weirdy

best beach trail ever

Longboarding trail :)

"Yesterday,

all my troubles seemed so far away."

I'm not just referencing The Beatles here. This is a true fact. Yesterday was a pretty great day. I totally forgot about everything that was going on and had some fun. After school I went to the Mall with a bunch of friends and it was really fun... well, it was really fun until the mall cops came and told us we couldn't all be together. Then it was just sorta really fun XD But the best part of the whole entire night, was seeing the movie Chronicle.
It
was
so
good.

It was the best movie I have ever seen in my entire life! Well... It's definitely a runner up. It was just awesome. After it ended my mind was just like... whoa. It was all I could think about all night. I'm pretty sure I dreamed about it. I wish I was telekinetic or something. That would be the absolute coolest power on the planet. But after watching that movie it's sorta freaky what it can do...

You'll have to watch it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm ruining everything.

Like I'm letting my life

fall

slowly

through

time

and

space

And I'm not sure where it's going, or what I'll do when I get there.

But in the mean time, 

I'm gonna party like it's 1999

Awful prince reference?

Yes. 

Sometimes I would really like it if I could go back in time and be a beatles fan when they were all cool and.. alive. But rewatching videos and movies is pretty chill, too. 

Well... Phone number three. Gone.
It decided to take a ....plunge, per say, into the toilet. Thank God the toilet was 100% clean. But unfortunatly my phone does want to turn itself back on again. Oh well, life is life.

Things have been pretty good lately. I joined drumline, and I'mm playing 3rd bass. It's pretty chill. It's like I finally have my drumline family back. Now, they're no where near as amazing as the other guys... But they're pretty fun to hang around, and they're all very nice. There is a kid that reminds me of Brendan. He looks, acts, and talks the same way. But he's short, and... Not white. Haha. And there is Sam, who acts a lot like a Cody/Joe hybrid.. For those of you that know those two gentlemen, it is a very weird mix. But he is. Hah.

Hmm. So lately I have been thinking a lot about my life. My future. Sometimes I tell people what I want to do. Who I want to be. Who I want to be with. But in all honesty, I have no idea. I would like to know the future. Then I wouldn't have to worry about breaking promises, hearts, fingers, toes, and other breakable things. But in the memorable words of Panic! At The Disco, "We should have known right from the start you can't predict the end."

Anyways... Anything you guys wanna know..? I guess I'll keep you updated if you want.

p.s. I'm on a diet.
I am failing sooooo much :'( someone kill me now.