tweetle dumb..

i'm just me, i don't know why there is something wrong with that.

El Festival De Colores:)

Magic.

the color festival was magic.
i went with my bestest friends and met up with some amazing people :)
i have got to do this every year. it was a freaking party :)
i saw a ton of people :) all of them i love very very much. i'm so glad i have the friends i do. i'm very greatful for you guys <3 :)
after the throwing we went to Wendy's and the boys ate churgers (they are actually pretty good, thanks for inventing them Spencer and Brendan and whoever else), and then we all got showered, and then whent to taylors house and watched movies and didn't eat the popcorn that cody ruined... haha :)
all in all, i would relive this day again, and not change anything. i love you guys :)

Teenage Drama Queen.... Take Two..

so the color festival is tomorrow... i'm decently excited... sort of.
i don't know, as of late nothing really makes me happy.
except for when me and tyler dance around his room singing the song form Labyrinth...
i went a few days without playing the piano, cuz i thought i sucked. and when i played again
i cried.
i know, your thinking its a very stupid thing to cry over playing the piano.
it is. and i know i'm not that great, but giving up what i love isn't going to make me better, so i was just being stupid i guess... i shouldn't stop what i love.
anyways, back to the main topic.
color fest.
everyone is telling me great stories... great ones indeed.. and don't get me wrong, i'm really looking forward to it, but i guess i have had this image in my head since August that i would be going with someone else, and then the realization hit me that i wasn't going with this certain person and i was... well... put out. (as they say on princess bride..) but i mean, i'm going with the most amazing persons on earth, but i can't picture what it will even be like. i guess i will just have to wait and see..

My Beautiful Best Friend Taylor. 
she has had a really bad day. i can just tell by the way she carries herself.. it makes me sad that some people can't get over themselves just enough to see that other side of a story... to see that maybe this person didn't actually know, and you're blaming them for nothing. and then it just gets worse over the day and just... sigh*
she ended up not being able to spend the night, so that made me sad. i wanted to comfort her when there wasn't lame sauce boys around.

Not Real... 
I wish you could cheat death. you know, just not die. everything would be so much less stressful. less real. fairy tales aren't real. they are not our world. i think that is what makes them so nice to hear. so nice to read and to see on the big screen. it's why we dream in fairy tales. to get away from all the real life throws at us all the time. not real is good sometimes, only when you don't call it fake.

i have been a poop head.

i wont even deny it. lately i have been a very big poop head. i'm so freaking negative. i hate it. this year i have been working on being a better person and so far... well i'm doing really bad.
anyways... imma be happy.
so i wrote this little poem, that i'll make into a song.
here goes

you're the luckiest girl
to walk this whole world. 
you've got or arm in his
and his smile in your heart. 
you're lucky that you've got him.
i'd know, i had him briefly before.
don't give up on him easy
and if he tries to leave
fight harder then ever before.

no one really notices

sometimes i feel invisable

sometimes a feel scared

sometimes i feel let down

sometimes i feel like a wasted space

sometimes i feel my efforts are useless

sometimes i feel dumb

sometimes i feel like no one really notices

Along with the rain comes tears..

Why is it, that after every good day my mom decides to scream at me when i walk through the door? i can't have a single full happy day and i honestly don't remember the last time i have. school was horrible, too so that didn't help much... no at all.and no matter what i do, or how good i acted or how much i have done around the house she walks into my bedroom every night and yells for one reason or another. but every time she says how i'm not good enough. and i know that she's right.
i guess i had fun at Taylor's today. we messed around and later we chilled with tyler and cody.. it was pretty fun. too bad good things don't last right?

so i wrote a poem.
here goes.. i guess.


i'm dreaming of 
another place
where the wind blows 
secrets through the air
and
the rain drops
carry the beat of hearts.


i'm dreaming of
another place
where the birds hold
the songs of the dead
and
the trees lace love
through their branches
like the connection of 
day and night.


i'm dreaming of
another place
where perfecting blooms in flowers
and
mistakes are born 
in the light of the sun
and
darkness falls like a
blanket of silence. 
-    -   -   -   -   -   -   -
By: Phoenix Mackley :)

I'm finally ungrounded. that feels REALLY good to say :)

These have been two VERY long weeks. and ya know, i had no idea how sneaky i was ;)
me and Brendan made up.
that was very good, cuz i love him and he is a very wonderful friend.
and i made him oreo no-bake cake. he better have liked it, cuz i really, really wanted to eat that thing.
anyways....
i have had a realization... ya know, one of those life changing ones. the ones where if you don't say it, or act on it..... you'll DIE. i'm gonna learn the cello good and im gonna keep practicing for drumline, whether i'm in it or not.... when is it btw?
aneeways... me excited. and i think that i like music more then a let on. and thats saying something, cuz i let it on AFREAKINGTON. haha :D
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



it feels so good to write in my pointless, non-popular, blog!!!!!!!
haha i though i was gonna die. twice i was gonna die. maybe even three times. THREE TIMES.
i feel really happy, considering i'm failing a class and i'm too dumb to make it up :P
hehe


heart.

why?

is it wrong to cry?
is it wrong to get mad?
a joke is a joke.
but now you wont look me in the eye.
i didn't know it would cause hate.
it's not what i seems.
but your words rung in my ears like bullets.
fast and harsh
and painful.
my feelings and spirits
shattered and sunk to the ground.
did you even realize i cried
or see the tears watering in my eyes?

'your a part time lover and a full time friend'

today sucked. the moment i walked out of school i burst into tears. i'm sick of people thinking that just because i don't get mad at them that i'm totally okay. i dont care if your kidding. this has been a crappy week of tears everyday. i'm not really in the mood to deal with people like that. i'm not a rag doll, you cant throw me around and tell me what to do. i'm done.

:\