Meow -

brendan. tyler. cody.

stop playing rune|scape.
i'll kill you.
i mean, i love you, really i do...but this must stop.
i;m going to die without my makeout ....i mean... hang out buddies.
uh...yeah.

i need a doctor..

why is it that every friday ends up...sucking...?
hahahahaha......... >:|
anyways...boys are super dumb. i think that i'm going to just..i don't know.







life sucks.

my Grandma actually wears Mary Kay...

D':<
angry crying face.
don't ask why i'm angerly crying... i don't know why i'm angerly crying.
This weekend was pretty fun. i think i'm going to punch something though. i blew my auditions and then i did something to my knees and my sister broke my speakers and....yeah. Plus a bunch of personal emotions inside me are pretty mich ripping me apart. I feel horrible and I'm soooo super confused.
i'm in a very Imogen Heap mood. i'm also loving Florence and the Machine and Yellowcard. And Dashboard Confessional.
I think i'm going to spend the rest of the school year in a whole. coming out only to eat donuts and Mountain Dew.
Holy Cow. i'm whining like an old woman.
On the plus side hanging with Brendan, Alec, Tyler and Spencer on Friday was really fun and full of adventure..
heh..

hehehe :3

Once upon a time, there was a manly man named Cody. He was Beautiful.

actually... i'm not telling a story today.
i'm just saying two things to two people.. Don't get mixed up with eachother.

oh memories, where'd you go? you were all i'd ever known, how i miss yesterday, and how i let it slip away...

Today was super duper fun. I love Taylor, Brendan and Cody, even though sometimes things can get a little.... odd. i always have a great time :) hahaha i love them. we went fourwheeling. that's always fun :)

but lately, my feelings have been a little wack.
okay.
way wack. i honeslty don't know what i'm going to do half the time and so i just... lie. well it's not called lying.. it's called hiding my feelings and i'm pretty sure that's what i need to do.. i guess? i literally have no idea. none at all. hahaha...
this sucks.
i want to ba able to just sort out my feelings for everything and everyone without so much trouble.
*sigh*
haha...lol..

the moment i said it. the moment i opened my mouth...

lately... hmm... lately..

i just want to move. i'm not happy anymore. that's the blunt way to say it.
i find myself crying for no reason. i'll just be watching tv, like American Idol or Raising Hope or something, and start crying.
i can't write any happy songs... i guess i never could.. but it's worse. and usually when i'm with people i get on this happy high that last for days.. but lately it's been ending the moment i walk out the door of someones house. besides, my parents have been talking about moving for so long now, that it's just pathetic we are still even here.

my mom told me a joke today and i cried. people say when you need to cry, laugh. but i can't even fake laugh when i'm alone.. when i'm with people i guess that's when i get to put my fake smile on and play it all fine. tyler says he can tell when i'm wearing a fake smile, but if no one else notices, i'll be okay...

something happened... a few weeks ago, when everyone was fighting i jusy felt defeated. i stuck up for someone i loved, but it feels like in a way i lost multiple other people to lies about me.. they don't even know me and i lost them.. it like knowing that you and someone could be perfect friends, but they absolutely despise you. i guess most people despise me now-a-days.
hah..

i can't wait to leave....

Dear World. I'm officially sick of your Bull Crap.

the words you spit are too full of venom for someone as ignorant as you and the things you throw around describe you as much as they describe me. when you fly your bullets, do you expect to penetrate? all this time, you hating me, and we have never even had a full conversation. why is that so? and is you have something to say, i would really love you to say it to my face. that would make it easier for me to laugh at your lies.

The Questionable 'Boy Brain'

why are guys so wrapped up in the way girls look?
everyday i hear from my guy friends 'oh she's hot', 'you're friends is way good looking' etc..
they never realize it makes the 'un-hot' girls (me) feel like crap.
never once (okay, maybe once. but that's it) have i heard a guy say 'she is so sweet' or 'i love her personality' if she isn't good looking in their view.
i don't know why they do that. even the sensitive ones. it's pretty dumb actually..

When July became December, Their affection fought the cold...

Brendan's facebook status was about how he wishes things were how they were last summer. up until now, i literally thought i was the only one who liked it.
i mean, liked it enough to miss it.
i guess his status got me thinking about this summer, and how i want it to be amazing. last summer was full of change!... the good kind i mean.. haha it was a time for lost, and gain. knowledge and ignorance.
hmmmm.. i learned alot last summer. it was good for me.

so.. i love dancing.. haha i'm not very good, sitting in my room at night stretching and then pushing my body to limits. it feels good, after trying something new, and then succeeding (meaning not looking like an idiot while turning and twisting your body into complicated formations). i love sitting down after a song, and breathing hard, knowing that you worked yourself. i like that when i dance i don't think. i just feel the music, focusing on the way i need to move next to get to the step after that.
hahaha it's not like i would ever show anybody! haha it's not something i want a career of, but its a wonderful way to get rid of stress :) i still can't leap though... that causes a few problems..

can the lonely take the place of you?

why is this happening.. this can't happen.

When We Collide - Matt Cardle

You say "I love you, boy"
I know you lie
I trust you all the same
I don't know why

'Cause when my back is turned
My bruises shine
Our broken fairytale
So hard to hide

I still believe it's you and me 'til the end of time

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it
When you hit me hit me hard

Sitting in a wishing hole
Hoping it stays dry
Feet cast in solid stone
I've got Gilligan's eyes

I still believe it's you and me 'til the end of time

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it
When you hit me hit me hard

You said love was letting us go against what
Our future is for...

Many of horror
Our future's for many of horror

I still believe it's you and me 'til the end of time

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it
When you hit me hit me hard 

When i was young i had imaginary friends, and boy did we have fun..

this week has been utterly boring. i  mean besides Sunday and Friday.
and i have a headache.
a major major headache. it sort of feels like someone is stabbing me with knives. (not the girl from Scott Pilgrim, although that would be just as bad) and they are stabbing me with in the lower jaw and the back of my neck.

yeah...

so everyone is having drama again.. :\ that's high school i guess.

don't you hate it when your texting someone, and your asking them a question, or you said something really risky or very very important and they take FOREVER to text back? i hate it. and when you can they don't answer and in your head you're going "ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!?!??!?!?" and then they text back like 300 years later and they are like 'sorry, what did you need?' and then you kill them by feeding them to the burds or the hungry lions you have hidden under your trampoline and they DON'T DIE!!!'
it's literally the worst feeling ever.
*sigh*
anyways, here's my shout out for the day.


Jessica,
i love you. you're a strong girl, i have told you this. what you did was brave, and needed, i think.
i know it was hard for you. but know i'm always here, alrighty? you're a sweetheart and an amazing person.
stay beautiful.

In your eyes, like my first time that i caught fire....

yeah... my appendix almost burst. yeah, i coulda died. yeah, i'm fine. yeah, it hurts, no, i do't miss the hospital.
Thank you to everyone who prayed for me, and came to visit me. i love you.
you helped me get through it :)

that's all i'm saying on the subject.

so it was conference weekend.
pretty good. i watched it with my family the first three sessions,
then on the second Sunday session i went to Tyler's house and we watched it. that was really nice, just sitting there, taking a break from the 'fam'. i scratched his back, being the good person i am, and i touched his ticklish spot. ^-^ haha the boy freaked out. i swear he jumped like 20 miles away from me. i wasn't offended. i burst out laughing. it was the funniest thing in the world.
after words he come over to my grandma's house with us and ate dinner. he said he was a talentless loser (even though he's not!), cuz we were all sitting around playing musical instruments, and singing and forming mini bands made of the most random instruments (guitar, acaraina-or however it's spelled-, a cello, a violin, a piano and a recorder). me and my cousins sang a quartet (with 5. i don't know what it's called) of Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing and Be Still My Soul. it felt very good to be able to sing again. turns out i'm a soprano now. hmmm. that feels good that i have worked up from an alto so a soprano. :) tyler was sad, but he could have sang with us. or asked to learn something, at least!but no. and i told him he could sit in the corner if he wanted to but he thought i banished him to the corner. i promise i didn't!!... there just wasn't any good standing room and he wanted to leave..
anyways...


my mom thinks i'm high.

so yesterday i took lots of pictures and i have decided on 8 that i like best.... here goes :)

all photos by Phoenix Mackley :)