i'm afraid of trying hard and starting new. i just can't do it

california.
heck no.
 i would never.
not while i'm in high school.
not while my life is at an okay point.
i don't care if it's not set,
or we're not for sure.
i'm staying here and you can just deal with it.
i'm in love
i have best friends.
i have a goal.
i just got settled.
just found my place.
don't make my move around again..
life may not be perfect
ad maybe i complain alot
but i don't mean it
don't take me away.

pardon me but don't blame it on the rain. and while your at it, please let me breathe and listen to the radio. i wouldn't mind if you did that just to give it all away

im totally obsessed with the band He Is We. oh my heckaness goolly gee (<--morman excitment >.<)
haha. but really they are soooooooo amazing. and thank you taylor for showing them to meh. :) they are so greeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaat. it's like she knows everything i'm going through and then writes about it! :O
i kind just wanna stay home and listen to them for my whole entire life. sound like a plan???? i think YES....

*:.WANTED GIRLFRIEND.:*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... for a friend

well i think that my very good friend landon needs a girlfriend... well... if anyone knows any girl that is nice, like anime (naruto, bleach, etc.), is funny, sarcastic, redheaded, longboards, plays guitar, loves videogames, has green eyes, loves animals, photography, is a writer, and amazing at art and really smart :)
then your the girl for him! if you have any questions comments or a want for pictures, just ask me through a facebook message or a comment on this.
p.s. he is funny, sarcastic and NOT SHALLOW :D
801-739-1538.
the end.
( ;]winnk, jessica)

satan shops at wal-mart...

so i'm screwed with school i can't take it anymore. gah!
i feel like all i do is complain and i know it's true i just... i have alot on my mind, alot pf people that hate me for no reason, alot of friends slowing backing away from me, bad grades. sigh. i can't wait until i'm in L.A.. i will have no stress, no friends, no school and it will be great. i need a break and it just so happens the beach is the perfect place. i got to go longboarding finally. my body needs to feel it again. my legs need to ache from over use.  i mean, i have got to get away. i know leaving my problems wont make them go away but at least they will leave my mind for a few days. i'm even happy to get away from my friends. i will get a chance to write, and stuff like that. i need it, and i'm taking the only chance i have. i'm super excited... i know i am.
anyways...
i know it's a little late for the whole 'new years resolution' crap but i'm doing one anyways. ready to hear it? it's to be more forgiving. i have held u grudge about something for so super long and i know that it needs to stop but my pride has gotten in the way, way to often. so i'm getting rid of it and i'm clearing it completely out of my head... yah that's what i'm doing.


i drew a picture. it sucks.
if you wanna see it you can't
just saying

i don't really want to talk about my day...yah.

i'm done

america underwater

so everyone uncluding me have just been in a really bad mood lately and everyone is all snappy and eaily bugged. i don't know why and i don't know if i wanna know, but it really sucks. when your feeings are on edge it makes for easy tears, easy anger, easy pain. when everone is like that i just feel like i should step back inside inside and pull the covers up over my head. it's my save haven. and i like it there. my own thoughts are peaceful, when i don't think about anything anyways. actually come to think of it, your own thought are the lease peaceful thing out there. cuz no metter how hard you try you can't stop yourslef from thinking things that disturb you. hmm... i'm just being a negitive poop now, arn't i? yah...
my mond just went boom. i'm done thinking about crap. what i really want to do is lay in his arms, and not talk about anything. only focus on the beat beat beat of his heart. that sounds good. only it's out of reach....

1000 raindrops

Every word pricks at my feelings
and cuts the string that holds back the tears.
ever fallen tear
is a wave of emotion in my own salty sea.
they fall like raindrops
slow and steady is the pace
not stopping till the ground is flooded and
there is no escape
-me

a change in thought, a realization in heart. i guess

brendan,
     i know you probably don't read this anymore if you ever did in the first place, but i'm still writing this to you. i'm sorry for what i said about not wanting to try anymore. i was upset at something completely different and i just got pissed off and mad. and if you didn't know about it, i'm still saying sorry. i havent been the greatest friend lately and i know that. i have been bitter and upset and just too lazy to keep trying. and i dunno... we both are the kind of people that don't start a conversation well, let alone carry one, and i just want you to know that i'm not gonna give up trying become great friends.
i'm not gonna lie, i look back alot and think to myself 'what happened? what caused us to not be as close anymore' but i guess it doesn't really matter, does it? what i really should be thinking is 'how can i get us closer? how can i change the way i think or act so that this is easy?' i mean, we both agreed that we should stay close friends but by me not wanting to try I was the one going agaisnt that... i dunno.. maybe i didn't need to take the time to type all this, but at the same time i think i did. i know it is really late too be acting on this but i have to start somewhere right? and you weren't texting back i thought that this would be a good way.
anyways...
sorry
-phee

well...

i can't do it anymore. all of the sudden the stress of everything just came crashing down on me and i can't do it anymore. i can't put on a smile to hide my stress and pain. i can't talk to anyone about it so that just makes it even worse. i'm done...

If you meet half way....

i'm trying my hardest to keep us as friends but when you barely acknowledge my existence it's kinda hard. you the one that said we should still be best friends after what happened. but i'm ready to give up. i'm the only one trying so what's the point anymore?



there is none.... 

i own the greatest boy ever. no joke.
he calls me at 1:30 and reads me cheesy 'i miss you like the..." lines.
hehe :)