imma do the thing i wanna do, i aint gotta thing to prove to you.

k so my quote idea...
fail.
 i keep forgetting to put them at the bottom :Pso im quitting. hah i quit alot of crap.
ughhhhhhhh my phone is sooo slow. gahhh!!!!!! hah :P its so annoying. :P hah

We wont be seventeen forever... or fifteen.

i feel betrayed by my best friend. but whatever. thats his choice. i had a great day, nothing could bring me down. :] i have decided to be a new person. i mean, the same personality and body and stuff, but i wanna look at life 1000x more positive then i am. :]and it gonna be great. hah! and im gonna get over brendan! yay! haha. trust me its not a bad or mean thing. [hopefully. :P] hah.... i think im liking someone else.
maybe.
No one is as good as him. but whatever.
ill live :]

Could a girl like me be any dumber?

i pretty much have a nack for screwing things up, losing friends, not fighting for what i want, and wanting what i cant have. im so good in it. if you want you life ruined call me up. 1-800-ill ruin your life. that 1-800-ill ruin your life. not even joking. kay, yah i am. dont call that number, you wont get anything i dont think. just that dial tone voice thats like "you have reached the wrong number. hang up, or for delivery options, press pound (#)"... holy cow um straying from thhe subject.... uhm.... screwing up... uh..self pitty.... eerr.... oh yah! i totally mess things up so mucho more then i plan. it sucks...

To: certain boy,
im never getting you again, i know. and so im gonna stop trying. for you. and me, i guess.
--phee.

uhm... what else do i need to say.
ohh yah.
im sorry Andrew. didnt mean it.

Dear tyler,
come live with us! hah....
uh... thats it, i think...

NEW SUBJECT.
i went and spent the night in SLC with Emily and her family. had the most fun ever. they are like me second family. it was may fun.i wish she was ungrounded and i wish that we could have sleepovers all the frick gosh time. haha. so im gonna start a quote of the day thing, and every day i will find a quote that im really liking or that fits whats going on. so here the first one is... that sounded wrong. here is the first one. :)

"its quit alright. and goodbye for now. just look up to the stars and believe who you are cuz its quiet alright. so long, and goobye."
----------sum41

i went overboard with the dashes, i know. hah
semicolon! --> ;

I feel like a fatty...

im having a sleep over with my jess and we went to reams. i bought so much candy i couldnt carry it all... i had to like lift the little basket up onto the check out thingie with all of my might. after that i kept thinking... wow. i feel like a fatty. not physically but mentally. now we are sitting on our butts eating chocolate and watching glee. haha. mebe we will play rockband afterwords...
jessicas high on sugar.... its great. shes so spazzy its funny. but yet again so am i. bahaha
                        
                                          *              *              *
k so i have decided my future. im going to run away when i turn 17 cuz there is no point in living here anymore. im going to L.A. and taking all the stupid chances i get to become famous. im running away. i want to live big and live large. and i dont want to hear all the crap that people are going to say about how its 1 in a billion and how i could get sucked into myself and become all blah blah. i want it. i dont even care what i do or for how ling i do it. i want it sooooo bad. ugh.. but not for a long time i guess. a one hit wonder. haha.
anyways... im getting off now so jess can has the computer...

Step outside into summer.
Feel the hot sun on your face.
open your hands to feel the warmth
in the air all around you.

Lay your body down.
the endless green soft spikes stretch
out forever on either side of you, you wonder whats
making this giant soft bed of cold in the heat.

The ongoing blue above your head.
What is this?
Extending like a giant light blue sheet
was draped over the world.

The clouds in the sky.
we forget all the hard work that goes into them.
They are like fluffy shreds of cotton being blown in the sky
by a fan to large for us to see.

What is this sound i hear?
Children playing on the slides.
You sigh, knowing there perfect innocents
will be gone soon.

Walk towards a beautiful sound you hear.
feet dragging in the grass.
You see a rushing river of water.
for some reason you can breathe.
your stress free.

The summer air calms you.

Photos i took during summertime... i miss summer.

Hey. you. boy. read this pretty please....

To:  if its to you, you'll know.

I kinda really sorta not really wish to be over you.
Especially cuz im sure your over me. I mean, if you were you over me you wouldnt tell me.
and you wouldnt tell me if you werent... i dunno.. :\ my crazy thoughts keep trying to tell me that maybe we have another chance somewhere, somehow.... (yes im listening to Ocean Avenue as i type this). but thats what my brain is telling me... well actually my brain is telling me that we are better off as good friends. my pretty sure its my heart telling me the other part. (or my liver. its hard to tell the two apart). usually my heart is wrong  and my brain is right so im not quiet sure how to react to what is going on in me. i just... i just want to know okay? cuz i feel like in a way your leaving me hanging. but if you decide to tell me then do it nice please...
i just kinda feel like we didnt have enough time to fall in love.(wow that sounds alot less cheesy in my head...) we didnt get our chance. and frankly, i still think you pretty wonderful. and ever since we became 'just friends' (i dont like saying broke up. it sounds harsh and mean, and thats not what it was.) it seems like i like you more. weird? yes. i just want you know know this. maybe im making it harder for you? i dunno. once again please tell me if i am. i get jealous easily, of the girls you talk to. i still wish we talked more at school. i wish i could carry on conversation with you. im not really sure as to where this little note or whatever its called is going. im just typing now cuz i want you to know, and im to big of a baby to tell you things in person. how lame am i?
pretty lame...
well i guess you now know some of my thoughts if you, ya know, ever read this...
you prolly wont cuz... well i dont know why, you just wont. anyways... im done now so... you can stop reading cuz i can tell this is gonna end awkward...
uhm... bye?
lots of love?
sincerely?
gtg ttyl?
ahhhhhh i got it.
forever friend,
            phee.
yah that was weird i really hope you didnt read that. hah.

spanks...

i think im going to write a list of thanks.... i mean, its thanksgiving right? so how about i be festive and do something. okay... hear goes i guess.
i thanksful for:
My friends including.....
+Emily
+Tyler
+Brendan
+Jessica
+Cory
+Monica
+Sophia
+Whitney
+Alexis
+Taylor Marie
+Afton
+Carolyn
+Angie
+Michelle
+Ty
+Kaleb
+Holls
+Spencer
+Rachel
+Frans
++etc. (sorry if you dont have ur name on this. :\ ders lots...)

Food
My wonderful family
Prayer
Lip gloss
SUMMER
Potatoes?
Talented friends that can teach me much stuff
Music. :]]]]
Wheat thins
My bed
Eyes... blue ones :].. and brown.
Cell phones.
Pianos
Printers
Sean and Gus
Boys
Swimming
Stars/night skies
Candles
Feathers
Chuck Taylors
Music
Glee
My beautiful home
Nail polish
THE MOON
ahhh... pretty much everything else....

<3
happy spanksgiving

Minivan Fail...

Stupid Silver minivans.... 
they. are. everywhere. 
and for some reason your not in everyone of them... 
hmmm... im not over you. 
yah... i still like you. but i defiantly dont like those stupid silver minivans....

Snow Angels

I love Sophia. :]
shhe is one of my bestest friends... anyways... we had a sleep over and at like 11ish last night we decided it would be fun to do play in the snow. we went all over the place and we had a snowball fight in someone else's back yard and we came in and made pudding and hot chocolate and watched What Happens in Vegas {twice!} and Just Like Heaven. had a great time. thanks sophia. :]
so like... i still hate the snow.
it cut up my knees. literally.
i had holes in my pants and when we came inside me knees where all bloody and gross.yah....
i wanna longboard so freaking bad,,,,
:\

It all comes rushing back

im totally fine
your just another guy
i can shrug you off
i can blow you by.
it doesnt matter.

im sorta alright.
when i see you with other girls
i get jealous.
i wanna tell them to back off my guy.
but your not my guy.

i swear im okay.
when i see you smile
i want to run up and hug you.
when i see you laugh i want to cry
only because i know im not that one causing it.

im not doing so well.
but i will get over it.
and maybe i wont get over you
but maybe i will.
and ill be better.

im fine.
were still friends.
i dont know why i care so much.

be yourself. you'll get sick of everybody else.

Im not one to judge. if you dont know me please dont judge me.
Im not who i look like one the outside.
sure, i can look like an uber prep. heels and dress. but im not.
and sometimes i look scene. me and my uber tight colorful clothes and bows.
but im not.
im not any stereotype so please, please dont label me.
i dont wanna grow up. if i could i would stay my age forever. i may not be living the dream and having a stress free life, but im trying to enjoy what i got.
i want to be friends with everybody, but no one really want to be friends with me, so for the most part i keep to myself at school.. i mean, of course ill talk to people but they dont really know me as much as they think.
i have a hard time getting over guys. especially if i really really liked them.
i have a weakness most people dont know about. musicals.
cheesy? ya
do i care?
not really....
i love photography, longboarding, playing music. ahhh... :]
its my life and i couldnt live without those things. they cause me to have peace in stressful situations.
if i start listening to the same music as you im NOT copying you. trust me. i just grow to love it.
i got bored super easy. i always need to be doing something fun. something colorful.
i love colors. i want to paint my room yellow. its purple now and before that it was blue... but yellow is a good color.
i love Chuck Taylors and Vans... but mostly Chucks.
i smile all the time. i smile like i breathe. (so playing 'if you love me baby smile' always ends up being a huge failure for me.)
i suck at working computers but im on them all the time.
i hate Photoshop, yet at the same time i cannot live without it.
im a sarcastic person.
i will punch people and yell bingo when a yellow car passes. no matter what the situation is.
i love jamocha shakes... well actually anything coffee-ish is pretty gosh darn good.
i type too much.
im a sucker for an almond joy. i will pretty much do anything for one.
i have a variety in friends.
im on my phone to much.
and i love life right now. every happy, painful, heartbreaking minute of it.



be yourself. you'll get sick of everybody else.

Old Men Are Pretty Cute...

im am really tired of his drama. he causes me to stress over the most stupid things IN THE WORLD.
and its not 'drama' to anyone else but me. and you know what? i dont like it.
he is temperamental to no one but me.
he is bipolar to no one but me.
gah!
maybe, im just so upset that things seem way worse then they are...

If you text me with just a smiley face, i wont reply to you. :]

uhm it really sucks when you have friends that you have known and loved forever and suddenly out of the blue they send you a four page text on what they hate about you and why they are happy they dont talk to you. [but its okay, we have been friends for wayyyy to long for them to hate me] im pretty sure no one is aware at how pissed i am. thats not even close to what you should do to a friend that has been a best and sometimes only friend for seven freaking years. its like okay top reason to lose respect for a friend. wow. and then they were like 'i dont know why i think those things, i just do.'

bull crap.
this is what you get for being friend with a little rich girl who thinks she is better then everyone else.
eh im not really surprised tho.  knew it would happen sometime.

If i could find you know things would get better!

'phee... your my best friend'
*moment of silence*
'ditto, baby!'

hah i really love my friends,,,,

so i made so EXTREMELY freakishly cute drawings of some of the dragons off of 'How to Train Your Dragon'
oh my goodness they are so cute
anyways...
teachers dont understand that i dont give a crap about pathagorean thearom.
like honestly. im never gonna need to find the distance of something using square roots. google maps does that for me, Mrs. Early, but thanks anyways
but yah i really think i wanna rip up my paper and and blow it into her face like pink little geometric confetti's. that would make me smile...  :]

heart... :D

You know you have best friends when you saw them like 24 hours ago and you miss the crap out of them.
i always want to be with them...and i miss them all the gosh darn time. i love them to death [and beyond!]

HEART! hah. ^_^

Gah... i miss him a freaking ton... we barely even talk anymore...

so there are these things in live that you just look at and think 'wow. that would be so much better if i wasnt even apart of that....' and you know that you must leave them and get away, but you are just way to selfish to give them up...

and im falling for him
again...
GAH!!!!!!!
:'(
what is this? what the heck is this??? i dont know what i feel anymore. ever. i mean, i dont know what to do to get my thoughts strait and i want to run up to a wall and
BANG
hit my head
over and over and


over again.

Cheesy, Yet True Poem.

You wipe all my tears
you scare away all my fears
Your my best friend
please stay till the end

You have been there for everything so far
will you stay for the rest?
I know you think your worthless
but believe me, i couldnt care more.

You are the only one that will be there forever
i love you to death
Hold me tight
keep my head up.
keep my hopes high
keep my thoughts right

your so good at making sure i feel loved,
but you give yourself no room to except the love i give.
we have the greatest fun or
the most touching moments

i feel you when your not here
and i can tell when your upset.
we can tell each other everything.

your my hero and you dont even know it.

you still believe your nothing...
i promise you, your something.

When the world comes to an end, im grabbing the rice, soy sauce and Mountain Dew

Well.....
i think that i wanna like not go to school tomorrow....
its a B day, and the football game. NO ONE is gonna freaking be there, so imma just not go. :P
uhm... so i love that people can trust me to tell me stuff, and they have every reason too,,, just whhen they go on and on and on about how crappy their lives are and stuff i just wanna punch them in the baby [thanks tyler. jeez] and send them to the moon. hah jk i dont mind it that much. im just hhhyper and i REALLY need something to exaggerate on... :P so i chose you fellow teenagers. bahahah

Smother me, by the used, is heavens theme song. its that amazing. :D

Whats it gonna take to confess what we both know?

sooooooo  like....... i was supposed to have a photo field trip spectacular today... but it got canceled... so i went home. i will go back to school later but im missing algebra to finish some homework... ;) [not really. heh heh heh]
but anyways........ i think that i need to practice. piano, drums, guitar & basketball.
if im to be doing a video on my piano playing i have got to practice. hard.
if im to be trying out for drumline then i have got to work so freaking hard. i dont even know when they are but imma be ready. top priority!
if imma be getting a guitar for Christmas i might just wanna learn to play more then 3 songs. :P hah
and maybe i wanna do girls basketball. just maybe... :P hah. i dunno. but i might. so i have gotta work on my shots... im better thhen some people but not quite good. hah okay.
screw basketball. :P
ill stick my to lame sports and activities. :P
anyways... its about time to be going back to school...

i am a robot

bloop. bleep. blurp. blowe. blug. boom. blam. bambam.
i
am
a
robot
:]
and im happy high on strawberry icce cream and ibprofin[for headache. im not addicted, stupid.]! yay!
beeeeeeeeep
hahh,,, its raining outside.
ew. the rain is like a thousand dead souls in heaven weeping for their family that has to stay on this earth and go thru all the trials and temptations from hell
whoa. i totally just made that up... and its soooo deeeeeeeep.
dood. im eating my ice cream from a jar and its sexy. im jealous. hah
ohh yah... i hahve photo hhomework...
buuzzzzzz

So here I am it's in my hands. And I'll savor every moment of this

so...
im not one to freak out. im not one to hate. im not one to gossip and spread rumors after things end. im not gonna go around saying 'oh heaven help me, my life is over!' thats not me.
but i do cry. i do listen to tons of sad music. i will talk to my friends about it. i will act differently.
every guy,
whether we end up friends after or not takes a tiny piece of me with them. even if what we have is small. or if we cant say that we were in love. it still hurts. im not gonna point fingers, or blame, im just gonna think to myself what I could have done better. what i should have dont instead of what i did.
sometimes i walk away never wanting to see a certain guys face again. or i can walk away and still say that i have a great friend.
and sometimes i dont know what to do. i will just go numb for a few days and then after that be over it.
im so confusing to myself sometimes...
AND SOMETIMES ill write in this stupid blog that i ALREADY hate.
uh ya...

no comment

wow... i see how life goes

The Bird and the Worm

He wears his heart
safety pinned to his backpack
His backpack is all that he knows
Shot down by strangers
whose glances can cripple
the heart and devour the soul

All alone he turns to stone
while holding his breath half to death
Terrified of whats inside
to save his life he crawls
like a worm from a bird
crawls like a worm from a bird

Out of his mind away
pushes him whispering
must have been out of his mind
mid-day delusions of pushing this out of his head
maybe out of his mind

All alone he turns to stone
while holding his breath half to death
Terrified of whats inside
to save his life he
crawls like a worm from a bird
crawls like a worm from a bird

All he knows
If he can't relieve it it grows
and so it goes
he crawls like a worm
crawls like a worm from the bird

Out of his mind away
pushes him whispering
must have been out of his mind

All alone he turns to stone
while holding his breath half to death
Terrified of whats inside
to save his life he crawls
like a worm from a bird
crawls like a worm from a bird

All alone
he's holding his breath half to death
Terrified to save his life
he crawls like a worm
Crawls like a worm from a bird
crawls like a worm from a bird
crawls like a worm from a bird
crawls like a worm
crawls like a worm
crawls like a worm from a bird
 

<the used>




p.s. [this has nothing to do with the song]


i REALLY miss you. but ill see you monday :]
<3

Sometimes laziness just over powers the important stuff

'the stars lean down to kiss you and i lie awake and miss you...'
i dont really miss the marching band till after school... especially A days... cuz i never saw them really after school on B days... bleh... They will be home soon tho :P
Sooooooo me and Taylor and Ty drew chalk during lunch and we put it all over out faces and clothes and we looked like sexy chalk monsters :D ill maybe put a picture on later when i get one from ty or tay or when i feel like it. :P sometimes laziness just over powers the important stuff... like uploading pictures. :P
sometimes life will throw these stupid challenges at you for no freaking reason... and when they involve your best friends they are so much harder. and they come at the most random freaking times... gah.
gah gah gah.  <--thats my frustration word. we can share it if you wanna..
:\
i hate Christmas... and my birthday. and the fact that they are 6 days apart. cuz guess what everyone loves the most? MY BIRTHDAY!!!!....no.. they all just love Christmas... and like i dont try to be selfish but i hate it when someone gives me something on my birthday and they go 'its also your Christmas present' and they just smile like they are doing me a favor of not making me unwrap more presents. what if your birthday was in June or July and i did that to you? that would suck for you wouldnt it? and like i hate parties. hate them. they never turn out well and the host of the party always is the one that gets left out. like last year, everyone started text EACH OTHER so i just left. and no one freaking noticed... so if i do plan to have a party, which i wont, im not gonna plan anything so i dont get let down...

Funniest Thing I Ever Saw

so on my long journey home from school today i witnessed two grown men racing donkeys down canyon rode. funniest thing i ever did saw. i literally bent over laughing... it was very amusing. O.o :D

THE "I AM" PROJECT
Sometimes you end up getting homework that may actually be worth doing.. this may be one of those. i have to make a video of myself talking about and doing what i actually love to do. of course i wanna do mine on longboarding. its the first thing that comes too mind when thinking of doing things i love. i had this WONDERFUL idea of filming all my friends that board coming down Canyon Road and for the last shot have all my friends standing in a line facing the camera with their longboards covering their faces so you see the bottom  design. but my luck being my luck, most all of my friends that have boards that im close to all out. of. the. effing. state. i know they didnt go to Alaska and California just for my inconvenience but they all left at the wrong time... and im not trying to be selfish but i sure do wish that they would hurry their little butts back to Utah... it would be nice...
and to add to all my complaints, i hhave a headache. i brain throbbing, jaw killing headache... ugh

My creative juice just isnt flowing right now...

Well my wonderful day [or what it was supposed to be] turned out to be crappy.
i mean, my piano go tuned... but other then that, my after school life went downhill....
one of my very best friends was supposed to come over and hang out but it turns out...
no.
he cant... i know its not his fault of course, but im sorta sad/mad.... anyways,, im gonna
go board out all my stresses away...lets hope tomorrow will be better...

p.s. is it lame to post two posts on the same day?
 yes.... yes it is :\

The chaos that comes when you fall in love with the moon...

School should go die. except for today..today was great. :] even tho all the marching band is gone...:[ (gah i miss them so much! like over half my friends are in it and so im all alonly. i wish i was in the drumline! its my new goal.) it was awesome. :D i love my friends...
i find it very pathetic tho that even tho im starving hungree i wont start eating my food until Cory has eatin all meh pepperoni on meh pizza...
p.e. teachers bug me. their always like "work your little lazy teenager butt off so your good for something!"
but then they sit on there chair/bench/stool etc. and take notes in there grade book. thhey are the ones good for nothing... stupid p.e. teachers...
gah! i think if someone likes you, and you like them, they should go out and not do that stupid 'friend with benefits' thing... cuz when your 14, 15 or 16 its just... lame to do that. this isnt totally random btw... i have friends who are doing this and... its bugging me. they should just be together and take whatever chances with their relationship that they need to... and pray that if they dont get along that they have a clean break up. im pretty sure thats the only reason why they are not going out. sounds freakishly familiar...

What do you do with a blog?

What do you do with a blog?
I googled the question.
It didnt have any good answers for me...
But what do you do with a blog?
Is it like a thing you do were i talk about my life and pretend someone cares or is reading this?
Or is it like a "this is my talents. lemme broadcast them to you" kinda thing? i guess if i wanted that i could just get a flickr... O.o
online journal?
i dunno. 
who really does?
gah. 
<3