lately... hmm... lately..
i just want to move. i'm not happy anymore. that's the blunt way to say it.
i find myself crying for no reason. i'll just be watching tv, like American Idol or Raising Hope or something, and start crying.
i can't write any happy songs... i guess i never could.. but it's worse. and usually when i'm with people i get on this happy high that last for days.. but lately it's been ending the moment i walk out the door of someones house. besides, my parents have been talking about moving for so long now, that it's just pathetic we are still even here.
my mom told me a joke today and i cried. people say when you need to cry, laugh. but i can't even fake laugh when i'm alone.. when i'm with people i guess that's when i get to put my fake smile on and play it all fine. tyler says he can tell when i'm wearing a fake smile, but if no one else notices, i'll be okay...
something happened... a few weeks ago, when everyone was fighting i jusy felt defeated. i stuck up for someone i loved, but it feels like in a way i lost multiple other people to lies about me.. they don't even know me and i lost them.. it like knowing that you and someone could be perfect friends, but they absolutely despise you. i guess most people despise me now-a-days.
hah..
i can't wait to leave....
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